An inner yearning

There is a desperation within my soul that is like an desperate internal yearning. A deep primal yearning for a lighter, freer, more serene way of being. I understand that this is a process, that the process is about learning, about an education of the inner child, about finding your way BUT I wish that it could be an easier & faster transition... which it cannot be?

I look out at the world, at where it is headed. At where people are headed. I look at the mistakes I still make daily in my sometimes unconscious state of being. In my humanoid delusional way of being. I examine myself as if in a mirror, staring at every inch of myself that is tainted by human error. I watch myself as I stumble & fumble around sometimes in a darkness that I cannot always escape from. I wish I knew better how to maintain and just be... to live as my maker would have me live...

I look at some of our youth, at how we are rearing a society that feels entitled, that do not necessarily care for or about the environment, that doesn't always 'see' their fellow man, that don't always respect their elders.... my 8 year old son lectures me about the fish that are endangered & how I should be more aware & not purchase those types that are on the red (endangered) or orange (near endangered) list.

I look at some of our men, that do not always respect their woman, that do not always treasure them, that sometimes belittle them, that sometimes act abusively, that do not always feel proud, that sometimes are too proud...

I look at some of our women, that sometimes have no sense of worth, that do not feel equal, equally important, equally loved, equally respected. How we sometimes neglect our children because our focus is split, how we then try to make it up by spoiling them, how we don't always lead  by example, how we are sometimes overly critical of ourselves, how we sometimes turn ourselves into objects of desire to obtain a sense of power...

I look at some of our family units, new age, broken, struggling, double & single parent families trying to find their way. Quality time stretched under the pressures of over-extension. Material wants dumbing down the quality of words we use & share, of lessons we teach, of memories we make, of time we spend, of attention we provide, of consciousness we drive...


I look at all of the above & I wish that I had the ability to change that. I sometimes feel like a butterfly trapped under a glass. I can see out & I can flutter but I cannot make the glass move.
I see so many people & groups talking about a better way of being, encouraging people, trying to shed a light, sharing a light, being a light.... I see motivational blogs, motivational messages, images, pictures in general. I see really enlightened people speak of spiritual ways of being, about inner truths, about growing & knowing.... & I ask myself, with so many people thinking about & spreading light surely there should be more.... light? Surely we could light up a small country with that light? Surely we could spread it faster, shine it brighter, drive it harder? Surely we love the world enough to save it. To save ourselves from ourselves, to make a difference?

And can we make a difference just one at a time? In a small capacity & is it enough?


Is it enough to try to be kind?
To count your blessings, be thankful for them & praise your maker silently or even publicly?
Is it enough to pray at night & teach your kids the power of prayer?
Is it enough to support where you see a struggle & give where & when you can?
Is it enough to turn a frown into a smile & reflect a light in a darkening situation?
Is it enough to protect the weak or at least help them figure out that they are stronger than they think?
Is it enough to try every day to be better?
Is it enough to try to be a vegan/ vegetarian in support of the abolition of cruelty towards animals & the wasteful & sometimes greedy nature of man?
Is it enough to see the future of the children & strive towards being a teacher to help raise the future generations?
Is it enough to encourage prayer in your workplace & through your social media page to encourage a move back towards religion or spirituality?
Is it enough to be supportive of someones vision when you know that vision is towards a greater good & is done with a pure spirit?
Is it enough to want to make a difference & work towards what that difference might be?

I am reminded of the story of the starfish I read once long ago. I share this with you.

In remembering this story I realize that every little step towards a greater good is a step in the right direction. It may not seem like much at that moment or in isolation but collectively each little step taken by one person or many people is building towards a better future.

And for me? Patience.... I have to learn the art. I have to stop myself from trying to make major shifts while the journey has already been written & mapped. I have to stay focused & not become restless on my course. I have to stand my ground in the face of adversity & when I am tested be strong & steadfast. I have to recognize where I have come from & work on where I am going. I have to encourage people to find their purpose & work towards finding mine. I have to expand my knowledge, be accepting of other peoples views & respectful of those who do not share mine. I have to realize that I am human, I make mistakes, it is part of the journey & it is okay!

I have a long way to go BUT in taking the steps (no matter how small), sharing my story, heeding advice from those who have walked similar paths before me, sharing & caring (as my 3 year old daughter would tell me), believing in a maker greater than me with capabilities far beyond what my human mind can even comprehend, a light in my heart & a dream in my head... I am headed to that place. My inner yearning is a calling.... a calling I have chosen to walk towards.

Much love
Lynne